Faith is a gift. I don’t have it. I thought I had it. But my gift seems to be more along the lines of doubt.
Maybe it was starting over in a new country or the reality of marriage or years of infertility or a recent miscarriage but it felt more like my faith was diminishing versus thriving.
But then I realized I’ve been redefining faith. It doesn’t mean “you wish, therefore it is.” Rather, faith “is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
I wanted to believe that if I had faith, I would then get what I requested. And as disappointments increased, my faith began to decrease. Why ask? Why hope? It only seemed to bring greater heartbreak.
Now as a parent, I see how limited faith is immature. My son requests things and generally believes he will get them. He also doesn’t understand when he doesn’t get what he asked for.
Similarly, I don’t understand the “No” or “Not now” and my confusion brings frustration, anger and doubt at times. But I also know that He is with me, even more than I am present for my own little loved one.
“Yes, Cindy, I AM here.”
Photo by Cindy Haughey