Infertility.

It’s one thing to read the story of Abraham who waited twenty-five years for the arrival of his son, Isaac, as we know the ending.  It’s another to live it without knowing the end.  I know I would not have responded in the same faith that Abraham did.

When I was single, infertility wasn’t exactly on my mind.  I was young, therefore, I assumed, it wouldn’t been an issue.

I got married just before turning 32.  Still young.  Not an issue.  Besides, I was adjusting to plenty of other life changes at once, I wasn’t exactly hoping to add another.  We had a new business to focus on as well.  With Chris’ schedule (i.e. arriving home anywhere from 11:00pm to 1:00am), I knew it would be a challenge to do family life.

So time passed.  Our childless couple friends soon became parents.  The business grew.  Some months, we were on the road more than we were home so I didn’t really have time to think about our start to a family.

I recall one mother asking why I didn’t already have four or five children.  Some women would be grandmothers by now.  I didn’t have an answer.  How do you explain to someone who has no issue having children that you don’t know why?

Another year passed by…and another and another and another.  Baby showers for loved ones came and went.  It’s a dichotomy only other childless women understand to share joy for a friend and grieve your own loss.  It becomes more and more difficult when there is no explanation for the infertility.  All tests show normal results.  “Unknown” is the response you get from doctors.  God seems to remain silent year after year.

And so we wait.

This past summer, during a grieving time, a friend’s husband asked to pray with me.  As he finished speaking hope, he added, “I see a baby girl.”  After years without answers, this word fell on a stoic heart.  I wanted to believe, as Abraham, did. But I was more like his wife, Sarah.  I had years to learn how to self-protect from what added up to constant disappointment.

Yet, this time, something was different.  I was reminded that God saw me, that He had not forgotten or overlooked me, when it seemed everyone around me received the blessing I had now longed for for several years.

As the weeks passed, I forgot those words of hope.  Then the miracle happened…that God had already showed me would.

Now, just months after I turn 38, I will meet the miracle.